widowcentauri

Archive for the ‘kink’ Category

Driving Around, Cape Cod Bound, Then …

In Golden Showers, kink, New England, Public, strip club, traveling, Widow Centauri on May 7, 2013 at 4:36 pm

I’m heading to strip clubs tonight.

It is noon and I am awake. This really is a huge to do. I can’t usually be awake when the sun is up. It is the middle of my sleep cycle, so I might as well go put on some hooker make up and head to a club. But not all clubs hire same day around here. Some do, but not all.

Becasuse I know you want to come and play tonight here are my plans:

I’m hoping to be at Fantasies in Providence RI by 2:30 PM. I’m under the impression that when they hire dancers they don’t let you work the same day, so after that I’ll head to Zachary’s on the Cape (Mashpee I think). I’ll get lost, and I’ll be running late (because I always am), but hopefully they let me stay. I don’t expect them too. They are the only club on Cape Cod and I’m pretty sure they only hire in the winter, despite what the person on the phone told me. They only deal with new dancers until 5:00 PM so I aim to find the place before then. When they blow me off because there is no snow on the ground I’ll make a choice to head to The Gold Club in Groton CT, or to Worcester to check out the new mega-plex-uber-strip-club Emperors Palace. I assume that if I go there they will let me stay. They are a new club and I figure they need dancers. But it is new girl season, so if they tell me no, I’ll go give Hurricane Betty a try.

At this point I’m not sure which way I will go from the cape. If you want to meet up for a road side piss stop send me a text and I will call you back when I have a moment. If you want to wait till I figure out where I will be tonight, wait for me to update my twitter. Then jump in your car and bring me lots of money.

I Have Food, This is Good

In Adventure, American Dominatrix, bathroom, deviance, dominatrix, fun, Golden Showers, kink, New England, pissing, Public, Widow Centauri on May 7, 2013 at 4:19 pm

After reading my rant, sure as shit, some bitches came climbing out of the wood work all butt hurt saying “I’m a regular, no?” My response of ‘who is this?’ Didn’t exactly please them.

There is no fighting the fact that I am in a bad mood. I have all these big plans but every time I hear a big truck rumble to a stop I wonder if it is the power company, come to shut me down. Before I leave I’m gonna make sure there is a flashlight by all the entrances. Fuck on a stick.

But anyway

Someone called and said “I’m sorry you are in a bad mood Widow, can I take you shopping, or somehow make things better?” Of course I said yes. But I was still uncertain about who I was speaking to. He asked me where I was goign to be dancing. “I have no idea, some really well behaved subbie called me on niteflirt and totally derailed my plans to make it to a club at a decent hour. Why don’t we just meet at the supermarket, since I’m out of food.”

When we met up I knew who he was. He is a piss boy I have seen several times. As we wandered through the supermarket I threw things into the cart. When I found products that I thought would be particularly well suited for tormenting him with I would open them. “Pickled egg?” I asked coyly, as thought he had a choice. I shoved the whole jar of picked eggs down his throat and made him drink the brine. I smiled, then we moved on.

I put pretzels in his nose and marshmallows in his ears. I dressed him in a series of hideous grocery store rompers, sun hats, ugly shades, and threw a big ass beach umbrella in the cart. We made our way to the pathetic produce section. I spanked him with a leek and gagged him with an apple. Other shoppers were giggling, huffing, trying not to look, and being incredibly polite as people in New England are apt to be. One old lady looked at us with a big grin and said “you two are having more fun than anyone in this market. I want whatever you had, pour me one” and then turned and went back to her shopping seemingly quite content to have seen something amusing durring what was surely an otherwise mundane shopping experience.

When I was sure I had everything I needed I asked the person behind the deli where the bathroom was and we headed that way. After parking the cart by the bathroom door I pulled him into the multi-stall bathroom behind me. I could have gone into one of the stalls but I had to pee so badly by this point that I just hopped up on the counter, lifted my skirt and said “drink.”

He dropped to his knees and I heard them hit the tile. It sounded painful. His jaw dropped and I shot a little stream of piss right into his egg hole. “Swallow” I told him. Then he opened back up and I just let it all out. I pissed in his mouth. All over his face, into the bits of pretzel and marshmallow that were still stuck to his face.

Surprisingly he was able to drink most of it. He did get wet, but not nearly as wet as he would have if he had not been an expert piss chugger. There was a little puddle on the floor. “Lick that up” I said, as I grabbed a paper towel and dried myself off. After he was done licking the floor clean I jammed the paper towel in his mouth. “Wash your hands” I told him, “make bubbles.”

At this point I was just being a smart ass. But I was having a good time. After we are cleaned up we went to the register and he bought the strange assortment of things in this cart, including an empty jar that previously held pickled eggs. When the cashier looked at it I said “he got hungry.” The cashier looked at him, a bit wet, bits of food all over him, reeking of piss. The cashier didn’t say a word.

After loading the groceries into my car he said “ I hope I was able to cheer you up a little bit Widow.” And I sent him on his way.

I’m in a slightly better mood. I have an icebox full of food, so if the power company shuts me down while I’m out tonight I will have a massive mess to deal with. Hopefully that does not happen. Maybe you will come see me at whatever club I end up in. Watch for the tweet, then come and play.

NYC Monday April 15th

In Adventure, deviance, dominatrix, fetish, Golden Showers, Happy Hour, kink, pissing, Public, Widow Centauri on April 14, 2013 at 8:13 pm

Heading to Cadillac Lounge in Providence RI right now. Then NYC tomorrow. I have very limited time in NYC for public golden showers ONLY.

Thirsty bitches should text me

619.884.2376

Lower east side mid-morning till about 3, maybe a little later. Midtown till 630 or so.

All or Nothing

In American Dominatrix, Cadillac Lounge, kink, New England, strip club, Widow Centauri on April 11, 2013 at 7:58 pm

I’m having an existential crisis. I’m done with school. I have not worked regularly in a rather long time. Writing a thesis 100 hours a week for months on end sapped my funds. I’m cash poor and feeling reckless. I have no idea what the next chapter of my life is going to be about.

My heart is crying out for something to inspire me. I just put every bit of energy into writing my thesis on gender variant neologisms. I need to make money, to have fun, to get some rest, to make a plan, to not let my hard work go to waste …

The list goes on an on.

I’m in a strange place emotionally right now. I don’t know if I am going to put more energy into touring and playing and shooting and being the fun person that I have always been and projected myself as, or if I am going to whole up and write. Just write. That is all I want to do.

But I am horny. I’m horny and I want to play with strangers. For fun and profit. I want to do dirty things with strangers in public for money. It burns inside of my core. I have stopped denying that it exists but I have not stopped trying to quash it.

While I was in the thesis writing phase someone called me on niteflirt. This person only called a few times but tried to convince me to meet and play for free. When I looked a little deeper at the situation I realized that I’m not looking for anything like a traditional relationship. That this person was trying to woo a sex worker and had failed to research me, likely they looked at my photos and thought that I looked like I wanted a man. This person had done this before with other professional dominatrices. The more I looked at the elements of the conversation the more I realized that my identity as a sex worker is tipped heavily towards the worker element. Sex work is my job. It is also how I like to have sex.

I identify as a sex worker.

And also as a writer.

Though I have had some of the most amazing sexual experiences I am not always sexually active. I had sex this week, penetrative, vaginal sex. The last time I had sex in that context it was 2011.

I need a sex partner so very badly. Someone who is as excited about my kinks as I am. Someone hot and adventurous. Someone not burdened by what the neighbors will think. Someone who really likes to pay for the sexy time I can manifest. Every time I have sought out what I need it has ended in a strange and rapid way.

So I just keep groping for passion in the night. Strangers make the best lovers. Hot, nasty, filthy, public, sex with strangers. I need this in my life. I am tired of trying to stop the urge — just writing while my libido burns me alive.

And I find myself at this crossroad. I keep wondering how I can have it all. Struggling to have it all leaves me on occasion with nothing.

###

I will be at the Cadillac Lounge Thursday – Sunday 11 April – 14 April. And likely again 18 April – 21 April. Come and Play!

Just a Quick Update

In Adventure, advertisements, American Dominatrix, bathroom, BDSM, dominatrix, Easter, fetish, fun, Gaslamp, Golden Showers, Happy Hour, kink, LA, Los Angeles, New England, pissing, Public, San Diego, Tour, Touring, Widow Centauri on March 24, 2013 at 7:12 am

I’m in San Diego.

When I’m in New England I get a lot of people on my phone and in my inbox suggesting that they want to play when I am in SoCal. Well I am here bitches!

I have limited time to play in San Diego through the 3rd of April. I am ONLY OFFERING PUBLIC PLAY IN SAN DIEGO.

I’m making a trip to Palm Springs March 25-28th. I’ll update when I get there and let you know more. I should have some time to offer semi-public sessions.

I will be available in Los Angeles on April 1st and/or 2nd.

New England April 5th – 22nd

New Orleans April 23-25th

Las Vegas July 14th-19th

Be excited about public play. You know I am!

I had a lover, her name was Pink.

In Adventure, Dykes, kink, LA, Lovers, queer, Uncategorized on November 8, 2012 at 7:43 am

Pink was visually intimidating.  She was big and mean looking.  Her septum was pierced.  She looked like a bull.  She was wide and had a strong walk and a stance like a linebacker.  She kept her hair buzz cut short.

People would often mistake Pink for a man.  Common perceptions of gender are limited to the idea of ‘what woman would look like that’ and yet, she did.

She had this tattoo of flames around her wrist.  When she would fist me it was like fire pussy.  I loved that tattoo.  Her fist.  I would kiss it when we were done fucking.  When she was done fucking me.

I almost never fucked Pink.  Not because she was stone but because I am.  Pink was a big softie.  She wouldn’t want you to know that her body ached to be touched.  But I was not the lover who could touch her.

Our relationship was violent and out of control.  We made mischief, we caused distress to people of the rule abiding kink community.  We showed up dressed like clowns in gas masks to all black cothing, serious acting fetish parties.  We laughed when people were maintaining silence.  We ate hotdogs and ice cream.  We experienced gluttony in everything we did.

I met Pink at a party.  An all woman’s party thrown by an old school dominatrix.  A famous one from the 80s.  She invited me having only just encountered me briefly.  I arrived at her part early, thinking I was late.  I had kidnapped a client of mine from his mundane weekend.  I had him mummified in the truck.  Hs truck which I had stolen in the process of kidnapping him.  I drove him over 500 miles mummified in the truck to the all women’s party, where I met Pink.

We did not fuck at the party.  I drank beer, she drank water and we talked all night.  I never fall in love with anyone who can’t talk all night.  In the morning Pink invited me to come to her place.  After I set the mummy boy free I went home with PInk.  The next morning she left early for work and left a note that read “stay as long as you like.”  I stayed a year.

That year I traveled, I performed, I dressed in fancy latex outfits and modeled for PInk’s camera, I had fun.  Much needed fun.  I embraced life and I had the best sex.  The best fisting, seeing Gawd, orgasmic sex that I fear I may ever have.

It is possible that I might find someone who can make me come the way Pink did.  Though it is not likely.  I have sex for money.  I have sex for fun.  I thought that maybe it was the gender fuck that got me off so I had sex with a string of butch lovers.  It was not.  It was her skill.  The was she would start off slowly. Make me beg for her fist, the way she would call me names, the way she knew I liked it to the left, and the way she would bark at me while she was fisting me.  Pink was my sex doggie.  My fistie sex pup.

I would dress her up as a doggie and put her on a leash.  I even made a giant pink dog suit for her out of fake fur.  It was a little like making a  pink cookie monster outfit.  Pink fur everywhere.

I don’t miss her.  I miss her fist.  I miss the sex.  I miss the orgasm.  I miss the fuck all attitude I had while I was with her.  I miss not caring if I got caught eating a hot dog in LA.  Not caring about being overweight in a rubber dress with a fist in my pussy in a public toilet.  I miss that.  But I don’t miss Pink.  Our relationship was violent and out of control.

She was overweight and depressed.  She wanted more than I could offer.  I took everything she would give me, as I have done so many times.  I had no remorse.  I provided wild times, she provided an awesome lay.

Pink entertained me, provided me with an Andy Kaufman esque experience of LA that few people get to have.  We would construct these elaborate mind fucks, and then execute them.  We created havoc in ways that I am still hesitant to talk about.  We scared people, then we laughed.  It was mean but it was fun.

Eventually it became time for me to move out of Pink’s apartment.  By this time I had redone the bathroom floors and removed a wall from her tiny little west LA apartment.  I was toying with putting in a skylight.  I’m glad I did not do that.

I’m glad I did not do many things that I had toyed with while with Pink.  I’m glad that we both made it out of that relationship alive, relatively unscaved.  I made her fist me so much that I think I gave her carpal tunnel, but as far as I know that is the worst of the personal injures.

There were other injuries.  The time I knew she was outside listening to me giggle and drink with a friend of mine and I exclaimed loudly I LOVE YOU to the friend, knowing that Pink could hear.  Was that to hurt her?  Did it hurt her?

When she stole everything worth having from my home on Christmas day, was that to hurt me?  It wasn’t for a drug habit.  I never even saw Pink take a hit off a joint.  She never drank.  PInk was in control.  Except when I would make her angry.  She was like a bull.  Calm and stoic.  Large and strong.  Scary as hell if pissed.

I wish we could go back and make up.  I want to know that her life improved.  That she is happy and doing well.  That she lost the weight that was where all her sadness was kept.  I would love to hear that her life is better without me in it.

Also, I would like to have my hard drive back.

Some things might always just remain wishes and memories.

Day Two: Public Blowjob

In Adventure, BDSM, deviance, dominatrix, kink, New England, perverts, porn on November 3, 2012 at 1:45 am

I met a bitch who I have seen before.  We met in a quiet, cozy, charming New England tea house.  There were people sitting right behind us.  They were chatting, I was a little too loud.  I talked about pissing and dildos.  At one point they stopped talking because they had clearly overheard something that was more interesting that what they were talking about.  The man at the other table kept making eyes at me.

 

The bitch I was sitting with was very attentive.  I made him sit and watch as I ate a peanut butter and bacon sandwich.  It was amazing.  After I was done eating this strange and decadent beast I went to the bathroom, alone, and put on a strap on.  I just slid the dick on right under my jeans.  It was a big dick.  They were tight jeans.  I hoped that the nice polite white couple noticed that I had a huge bulge in my pants.  I was making just a little scene.

 

We walked to the water where I found a nice dark park bench to sit on.  The sun had just set and there were still people all over the place. Groups of people walking after work, people with their dogs.  We sat there looking at the water for a minute and when I was sure that the coast was mostly clear I put his hand on my dick.  I don’t think he knew I had a dick on.  He grabbed it like he had been anticipating this moment all day.  He stroked it and dropped to his knees.

 

“Get it out” I told him.  He had it out and without permission just dove right down onto it.  He slid it in his mouth like the hungry little slut he is.  I wanted to punish him for gobbling it up without permission but it felt so very very good.

 

Previously I have never really enjoyed strap on play all that much.  Its an overblown fantasy and it generally hurts my back more than pleases me in any way at all.  But here on the park beck looking at the water, oh this felt really nice.

 

“Keep sucking it,” I encouraged as I pushed down on his head.  “I love cock” he sputtered as he came up for air.  “Suck me till I come” I ordered him.  I kept fucking his face and enjoying the blatant public dick sucking.  It was by far the best blow job I have ever had.

 

I was watching the water and looking at him suck my dick and I was so turned on.  I was actually really excited.  I didn’t know that I would be this turned on.  I thrusted my pelvis toward his face, pushing on his head, I watched him gag and then it happened —  I had an orgasm from a blow job.

 

I knew that it was possible, lots of my butch friends swear by a good blow job, but I really didn’t expect to like this so much.  This slut is a kinky bitch.  It takes a very high level of exabitionism to get on your knees and moan and suck on a public park just after night fall.

 

I fucked the bitch’s face a little more, then said “bend over the bench and pull your panties aside.  The whore got right up on the bench and pulled the pretty black Gstring over, exposing her hole.  I grabbed a glove, a condom, some lube, and got my safety gear on.  “Please be gentle with me” moaned this cute little bitch, cheeks still spread.  I laughed, shot a little squirt of lube on the hole and rubbed my dick on it.

 

You want to be fucked in the park? I asked.  “Yes very very much.  I want to be fucked here on this bench, where I can see the picnic table and the path and yes please fuck me here in the park” came slut bitches response.  “Beg me” I instructed.  “Please please please” began the monologue of begging and writhing.

 

I slipped a finger in this greedy hole; “ungh,” came the moans.  I fucked the bitch with my hand for a while and then I slid the head of my dick into this virgin tight ass.  “Oh” she jumped.  I smiled and felt a wave of sexual excitement.  I was wildly turned on as I began to pump the slut hole in the park.  I was looking around, making sure no one was wandering too close.  I was watching and fucking and being a dirty greedy pervert.

 

“Get your girl dick out of your panties and stroke it” I instructed.  “Get to the part where you are just about to come and then stop” I told her.  “Yes Widow” came the response from the slut’s mouth.

 

I kept pumping.  I slapped her ass as she stopped stroking.  I thrust my dick into this greedy booty and the slut bitch banged her head on the bench letting out a loud gasp.  I came.   Just like that it happened again.  I had an orgasm while I was fucking this bitch.  “Come with me” I said, and the greedy slut pulled her pud one more time and shot jis all over her leg. I pulled my rubbers off and told the bitch to take them to the trash can.  “We don’t want to be litterbugs, this is a very nice park.”

 

 

 

My Schedule and Travel Plans ~~ Also Clips4Sale ~~

In Adventure, American Dominatrix, bathroom, Cadillac Lounge, deviance, dominatrix, fetish, fun, Golden Showers, kink, Massachusetts, pissing, Public, Widow Centauri on September 17, 2012 at 9:02 am

I have been updating my clips for sale store pretty often.  There are some very sexy piss videos and some very well shot kink.  Visit and Shop:  http://www.clips4sale.com/studio/56187

 

MY SCHEDULE AND TRAVEL PLANS

I am in Providence RI on September 17th, 18th, and 19th.  I will be at the Cadillac Lounge Tuesday the 18th after 7 PM.  Come and Play!

I will be in Boston Thursday (September 20th) from about five in the afternoon through Friday morning, possibly noon.  I only have a few time slots left — Friday morning is open thirsty breakfast bitch.  Schedule in advance, last minute is always dangerous.

Friday September 20 I head to Western Mass.  I will be there about a week, maybe ten days.  If you want to play in western mass now is the time.  I won’t be back any time soon.  I might head to a titty bar in Hartford a night or two, maybe.  Gold Club or Kahoots.  Not sure yet.  If you want to see me in Hartford email me.  I’ll let you know if and when I head that way.

Providence
1 – 10 October.
17 – 25 October.

 

Halloween  — I am available for a very sexy spooky overnight.  I will be in my hearse, in New England.  Not sure what I am doing or who I am doing it with.  Sexy spooky kinky people only.  No wankers, no short sessions — overnight only.

 

Why I Work As A Stripper

In Adventure, deviance, FAQ, fetish, kink, New England, paying for it, perverts, politics, porn, Public, Sex, sexual politics, sexuality, strip club, whores, Widow Centauri on September 17, 2012 at 5:35 am

I’m well educated and I have a really nice middle class job.  So why in the hell do I work in seedy bars half naked doing dirty things with strange men for money?  Because I like it.

 

I like the rush I get from meeting you in a dimly lit bar, with music so deafening that I am wearing (and hiding) earplugs.  I like meeting you, a strange man who I would likely never say two words to on the street, maybe you are over weight, maybe you are not within twenty years of my age, maybe you are not the least bit sexually attractive to the non-dancer version of my sexuality (whatever the hell that might be), but in the titty bar you don’t have to be anything but ready to pay me.  Sure you must have a modicum of polite behavior, and a decent amount of personal hygiene, but other than that the deciding factor is ‘are you ready to have a sexy time?’

 

I give you some extra dirty dances.  I let your hands roam, I let you lick me, suck on me.  When I look down at you, someone I just met, sucking on my tits in a dingy little club I calculate the amount of money that I am making, I think about the reality that this does indeed make me a cheap whore.

 

I used to do high-class escort work, now I’m in a titty bar, by choice.  I could still escort but I actually get turned on in the strip club, I’m pretty hot for the self-degradation that I play in my head. I don’t know what other dancers do to ignore or enjoy this job, but I find it can be somewhat meditating.  It is one of the few places I frequent where I am not expected to be smart or competent.  I can relax into the objectification that all feminist literature tells me I am supposed to dislike.  I can play a role: The Bimbo. I like it.  I almost never have to make conversation that involves much more than me saying things like ‘wow, you are so smart,’ ‘you are so cute,’ ‘I can’t believe your wife does not appreciate what you do for her,’ and then we get on to the dirty sexy times.  And they are dirty and sexy.  Escort work was a lot more private. It was over in an hour.  No strangers peeping in at us.  Escort work was sexy but working in the clubs brings out the skeezer in me.  I expect to have at least one orgasm every time I go to work, hopefully more.

 

I love it when you feel me up while I am grinding on you.  Your hands wrapped around me like random disembodied hands in the night.  I love looking across the way and seeing other dancers giving dances, some of them working too hard, others rolling their eyes at me to express a level of discontent with the experience.  One night I looked across and saw too blond dancers with the same shade of bottle blond bouncing at about the same pace, backs to me, I thought I was seeing double, I had no idea who the dancers were but from the rear, side by side, in little booths so they could not see one another but I could see them both, they looked exactly the same.  Later I looked across and I saw an 80s man, looked like he stepped right off the set of Miami Vice, I saw him snort a line of coke off a strippers ass.  He watched me watch him.  We both delighted in the voyeuristic experience of doing our dirty deeds right out there in the open.

 

When I am giving lap dances I always hope that you are not freaked out about how much it is going to cost, that you are in the mood to play (because I am), and that you have just the right touch.  I love to have my nipples pinched, but not too fucking hard, not at first.  At first I like to be built up a little.  I like to have you pinch them gently then harder, tease me with it.  I can come from having my nipples pinched and played with.  I get wet when you suck my tits in this grimy little sin shack.  I don’t do this job out of desperation I do this job because I am a fucking pervert.  When I am dancing I stroke your dick through your pants. Is it a big one?  Oh lucky me, we will go to the VIP room.

Having A Drink at the Titty Bar

In Adventure, American Dominatrix, bathroom, deviance, dominatrix, drinking, fetish, Golden Showers, Happy Hour, kink, pissing, Public on September 9, 2012 at 4:54 am

Recently I was at the titty bar and a boy who I have seen before appeared before I was even ready.  He texted me and told me that he was upstairs waiting for me.  I came upstairs not even sure who I was looking for only to see that cute little bitch.  Oh, you.  I was sure he had died from dehydration by now.  It had been so long sine I had seen him last.

 

“Give me your money” I said to him as I pulled out my garter.  “All of it” he slid all the money he had in my garter.  “Come with me” I said, extending my hand to him.  He took it obediently.  We stopped at the atm.  “More” I said.  He looked at me sheepishly and withdrew the maximum that this piss ant little baby tam would allow.  I took it and led him to the back room.

 

“Sit down” I said as I pushed him onto the sticky couch.  I stood up on the couch, hovering over him. “I’m not wearing any panties” I informed him as I pulled my long dress aside.  He inhaled, almost a gasp for air but more a pervert attempt to smell my cunt.

 

“Thirsty?” I asked.

 

“Yes, ma’am” he stuttered.

 

“Stroke your cock, give me a little show” I demanded.  “Here?” he asked.  “No out on the dance floor. “ “I’m not sure that’s a good idea,” he muttered.  I shot a little stream of piss in his eye.  “Do as you are told,” I instructed.  “Yes Widow, I’m sorry” he said as he unzipped his fly and pulled out his rock hard dick.  He began stroking it.  I pushed my pussy into his face.  “Get me off, you useless toilet boy” He stroked his prick and ate my pussy.  I dribbled a little pee, then a little more, then within a couple of minutes I was coming and pissing all over his face.  “Don’t spill any on this couch, toilet boy” He did.  Is splashed all over his face, on his shirt, everywhere.  He gulped and swallowed but he was a mess.  As he was almost drowning in my fluids, he came.  It was a big shooting burst of come.  It got on my leg, on the floor, on his pants.

 

This poor fucker was a mess.

 

I laughed.  “Lick your come off my leg, you nasty bitch” I said as I pointed to where the goo was.  He crawled over to my leg and lapped it up.  “Now lick it off the floor” I said as I pointed to the most discussing sticky floor.  Shockingly he didn’t bat an eye, he was down there licking it up like a good little pig.  His dick was getting hard again.

 

I pulled a sticky wad from the trash-can and shoved it in his mouth.   “Get the hell out of here you pervert.  Come back when you have more money for me.” And with that, he ran off.

 

When I came out of the room the woman who works as the VIP host looked at me and said, “what the hell happened to that guy? Did he come all over his shirt or something, he was soaking wet”  “nah, I pissed on him,” I said.  She looked confused and horrified.  Then we both laughed.  I’m certain she thought I was joking.