In bullshit, Uncategorized on June 15, 2014 at 1:08 am

This morning my landlord came to my door as I was drinking my second beer. “It’s already the tenth” he told me, as the scene from the Big Lebowski played out on my doorstep I promised him I would “slide the rent under his door by the end of the week” knowing full well that I have no idea how I am going to make that happen.

I had most of the rent — shit, I had all of the rent a few days ago, but then I sent it via western union along with a bag of change that totaled about a hundred bucks to my kid, who is moving to the city.

And then I went to California and paid the bill I have been working so hard to gather the money to pay. Months and months of saving and not eating and going on dates to eat and working nonstop like a lean green money making machine — I finally had the cash so I went to pay the bill before the harsh cruel summer set in and I mismanaged my situation and cracked into it. No, I flew to SoCal so I would not spend the cash casue I have no job.


The stripping gig may have finally run it’s course — I should look for a real job. I should already have a real job.

I went to bourbon tonight looking for a place to dance but when I got to the door at cheerleaders the bouncer asked me if he could feel me up. I just turned and walked off. I don’t have any more patience for sexual harrassment before I actually start working at a place. You can not touch my tits, you can not get a lap dance as part of an audition, no I’m not interested in doing ‘private parties’ in the back room. I need a real job. I have been looking at the internet for a real job, but that does not mean I have my rent.

Nor does it mean that I have any idea how to get a real job. It seems overwhelming to me to get something that the better portion of society finds necessary. I really just don’t know how to get a job, nor do I even know if I want to have one. Really. I want to own up and be a writer, I can work a writing hustle — or I could join the peace corp, or what? I keep toying with becoming a teacher, but the reality is that I’m just not sure I am cut out for working in a structured environment every day. Having some sort of reality I must abide by. I would rather do drugs and write all day, all week, shit I know how to write.

Teaching people about being able to help people learn, it is about navigating politics — I’m not very good about making other people happy. When I see injustice I say something I see a lot of injustice in the school system. I can’t imagine I would be able to last long in a world where I have to jumpt through hoops. I work best alone and independently. So what am I supposed to do with the rest of my life?

Am I really done being a stripper? Can I manage to come up with some harebrained plan to pay my rent and get out of the business and then do that this week?


Or should I just fly to Alaska and dance for the rest of the summer?


  1. your bladder has an amazing capacity!

  2. Still do golden showers? My job has made it very difficult to meet up with you but I am still interested in paying you to soak my cock and balls with your pee and making me stay in it all night!

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