First I want to thank Captain Save A Ho for bailing me out at the last minute. Someone I have known quite a while sent me some money and presto change-o, rent got paid. Thanks Mister.
But about 20 minutes after the electronic money was sent my way, a local called to tell me that he had some cash for me, so I went to get it. He acted creepy in ways that I will have to describe in detail in a future post. Seems every encounter I have with fans gets creepier and creepier.
Right now I am busy having a panic attach that is making it hard to update things. I have been having a full blown panic attack for several days now. And though I am writing I am not posting as posting generally requires editing. editing requires thinking. this panic attack is not conducive to thinking.
A bunch of really bad shit is going on. My problems are mighty white. Mostly money. Health is coming in second. I’m out of toilet paper and beer. I have a $10000 payment due in two weeks and I have $20 to my name. I’m about to drop it in the post so I can get my mail forwarded to me.
I am currently fluctuating between throwing things in the garbage (because I am in the heat of a break up that has been a long time coming — more about that later too), sobbing in the shower, trying to make my gadgets work, feeling way too old for life in general, and watching porn.
The porn is research. I’m about to turn on a webcam and I need to figure out how this game works.
I can’t believe I ever came to New England. Maybe one of the worst decisions I ever made. I’m getting out of here as soon as I possibly can. I’m over feeling this alone in the world.
Now I’m sobbing. I think I hate everything about this place. from the fact that everyone who talks to me is a creeper to the fact that the beach has no waves.