widowcentauri

Because Gawd Hates New Jersey (Satire, you moron)

In Uncategorized on November 5, 2012 at 4:51 am

I’m not gonna write about hurricane / super storm / wt. is it so big Sandy.  I’m sure you have seen the pictures, the footage.  You might have been in the path of that Frankenstorm, maybe you are reading this on your iPhone stranded in your home someplace evil in New Jersey.  Hey, if you want to waste your last bit of battery surfing my blog who am I to stop you?  Keep reading.

The storm, sandy, took out a lot of the eastern seaboard.  Who knew that a little cat1 hurricane could do so much damage?  Well I know you have seen it.  It looks like Katrina but with NYC as a backdrop.  Its like some sort of disaster movie.  All the sensationalistic fear mongering has led us to believe that this horrible disaster just happened for no reason. But who to blame for this is clear: GAWD HATES NEW JERSEY.

Clearly Gawd was driving around look for something in the garden state.  A casino, a decent beach with fucking waves, a crack dealer, something.  Gawd started getting peeved “where the hell is it?  The GPS says it should be right here.  Right here is an nasty highway overpass, look there, a nasty little sludge puddle, is that, No, FUCK where is it? Maybe I can find a street sign or ask someone directions.”

New Jersey, you should have put up some street signs, maybe made your roads actually go to the place they allude to and not in some monstrous circle, yeah New Jersey this storm is your fault.  You pissed off Gawd.  How can you expect us to forgive you when you can’t even help Gawd get to hir destination?

Please use some of that FIMA money and invest in some street signs New Jersey.  You know Gawd hates you right?  Maybe that is why a nor’easter is on its way to crush your little relief efforts.  You think you can just rebuild? HA!  Gawd isn’t gonna let you put your monstrous state back together, no Gawd is going to send storm after storm to your state.  Because GAWD HATES NEW JERSEY!

Invest in street signs:

To Get to New York, Turn Around

New Jersey, now with less land mass than Rhode Island

Welcome to New Jersey, You’ll Never Leave!

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