Archive for February, 2009|Monthly archive page

Middle of the Night Infomercials

In bitch, bitchy, bullshit, censorship, cheap men, Comedy, culture, culture clash, dating, deviance, discrimination, drama, FAQ, gender, neurosis, performance, perverts, politics, porn, Public, Sex, sexual politics, sexuality, violence on February 24, 2009 at 1:07 pm

I have been staying up really late, sometimes all night.  Sandy Eggo runs middle of the night infomercials.  Your watching comedy central and then bang — infomercials.  WTF?  Tonight a “sex” infomercial  is running.  Last week it was one on enemas.  Now that the sex infomercial  is airing I decided I would let it run while writing about what I think is wrong with this.

First of all the really poorly edited and wretchedly written early AM sex program is ALL ABOUT MALE ENHANCMENT.

LOL.  As though men have a hard time satisfying women because they have little dicks.  If your dick is so small that you need a pill you should look into other ways of pleasing women.  Learn to use your hands, your tongue, dildos.  Your dick is not the problem, you are.  There is no way that you are ever going to please a woman by popping a pill.  Sex is about paying attention to your partner, not about your dick being an inch bigger.

The women on this program are assuring the viewers that they would never commit to a man who did not have a big dick.  The program is geared towards reinforcing a patriarchical  model of society. We can spend an entire TV program talking about the size of some dudes dick but we can’t teach realistic and informative sex ed to high school kids.  This is equal part sad, hilarious, and confusing.

Who are these viewers falling for this propaganda?

The women on the program are actively giggling and saying that the men who take this Viagra-wanna-be have more confidence.  Who gives a shit? Why is his confidence the main point of the big dick pill? It is not a birth control pill.  All it does is for his dick?  Oooohhhhh, Goodie!  He takes it, becomes larger, and whoo hoo his confidence is through the roof.  Hmmm, I am unimpressed.   Not a single woman on this program has talked about HER PLEASURE.   Where is the focus on female satisfaction?  No, this propaganda about male enhancement is not for female sexuality at all.  Now the enema infomercial, it was hosted by a couple of gay men.  It got me off.

Currently the show has three experts on.  They are sitting on a couch.  In comedy we play an Improv game where three experts sit in a row and answer a question one word at a time. It ends up being really funny as the three headed doctor utters silly answers to questions, one word at a time.  I saw the experts sitting on the couch and imagined them to utter something like “buy, this, product,” one word per expert.  All they are doing is swearing that the product is good.  Testimonials up, a few playboy bunnies, doctors, more testimonials. There is no show in this show, just testimonials.  A fracking hour long ad.

Pro sexual nutrients, pro hormones. These are pseudoscientific terms uttered by the experts that mean nothing.  It is all prattle. Poorly written prattle.

male enhancement drink — HA — they are selling a sex drink.  Fracking LOL

I can’t deal with it anymore, I’m changing it.  Oh thank gods — aqua teen!

It’s the one where shake gets a ton of plastic surgery and the meatball feeds his neurosis by telling him his ass is saggy and he is fat.  Now that is good writing!

The LGBTQ Western Regional Conference

In Adventure, BDSM, bondage, culture, deviance, dominatrix, Dykes, fun, GLBT, GLBTQ, kink, performance, perverts, politics, porn, Pride, Public, queer, sexual politics, sexuality, Widow Centauri on February 18, 2009 at 9:47 am

I went to Santa Barbara to speak about my research. I gave two presentations. Gender Variant Neologisms and SM 101. Neologisms are new words. The pictures show an adventure that took place on Sunday during SM 101. After the workshop I was asked to demo some of the toys and techniques I was discussing. As I started to tie up a sexy lady I realized a line was forming. I tied four hot chicks together and took them into the closing ceremony. We went right up to the podium and I tried to give them to the speaker. No one actually said anything about the dominatrix who brought a train of bondage babes into the hall. They just asked us to leave. We went to the courtyard and finished playing. I flogged Ryan, a very good hugger from Berkeley, on the UC Santa Barbara campus. I love public love. Campus love is particularly sexy.

A Late Night, Drinking, Yard Sale! — Friday the 20th

In Adventure, BDSM, bondage, censorship, Comedy, corsets, culture, deviance, dominatrix, drinking, dungeon, fun, Gender bending, kink, Parties, paying for it, performance, Photographer, politics, sexual politics, sexuality, shoes, slave, the bus, Widow Centauri on February 7, 2009 at 5:24 am

It is Friday night and it is also the first night I have had to sit in my own apartment and have several glasses of wine in over two weeks. I have been doing a lot of thinking about who I want to become.  Graduate school, especially a Masters program that should lead to a PhD, is a time of deep reflection.  There is no denying that I am growing up.  I’m not sure I am happy about the way that this is manifesting as a purge in my closet.
Every time I have had a major overhaul in my life I have changed my hair and my wardrobe.  I’m still holding onto my long dark strawberryish blondeish hair but I have come to the conclusion that I need to dress to impress my audience.  Right now that means in suits.  Yes, in some respects dressing in suits is very hot.  When it comes to making room for a new wardrobe I am saddened.  Previously I had a 400 foot closet, now I have what the normals consider to be a big walk in closet.  My life sucks.  I happen to be a woman who loves her wardrobe, but I have to say good-by to a lot of my vintage dresses, brightly colored costumey things, and most of my high heels.  I am dying inside.
I am in love with performing and the idea of owning a profitable small theater makes me happy in a lot of ways.  But do I want to be a crazy old woman with too many shoes, wigs and rainbow bright outfits to justify opening a theater?  Or might I actually fancy a tenure track professorship?  All I can do is have a yard sale, or rather a vintage dress sale / party.
On Friday the 20th I am inviting women who like to wear vintage dresses and sexy stuff to come to my place near Hillcrest and have some wine and do a little shopping.  I’m getting rid of a LOT OF SEXY, VINTAGE CLOTHING, SHOES, FETISH WEAR, HATS AND COSTUMES.   This party is limited to people I actually know and serious buyers.  This is a nighttime drinking yard-sale in my living room.
If you are not someone who is interested in finding a treasure to accentuate your wardrobe but you have been personally invited by me or someone who is attending this party, come for the free wine.  If you have not been invited to this party and you are not someone who wears hip women’s clothing but you want to come to the party anyway, send me an email and let me know who you are and why I should invite you.  If you have skills as a party slave or bartender do not hesitate to contact me.  Be polite and brief.  Dirty / rude messages will not be considered.

I am looking forward to the funky clothing sale and wine party.  FRIDAY THE 20TH 2009  — 7:00 – midnight.   Please plan to take the bus or a cab home as driving drunk is a dick thing to do.

A Happy Ending?

In Adventure, BDSM, bullshit, Comedy, culture, dating, deviance, dominatrix, drama, FAQ, fun, gender, Kindness, kink, Lesbian, neurosis, Parties, paying for it, performance, perverts, politics, porn, Pride, Sex, sexual politics, sexuality, traveling, whores, Widow Centauri on February 7, 2009 at 5:19 am

So I’m at a resort / spa last weekend and I’m having a massage when the massage therapist tries to give me a happy ending.  Yep, a happy ending folks.  While I was on my back she pulled my right leg up like a frogs leg.  She put her fingers in the crock of my hip and started to jiggle me so that I was essentially humping the table.  It took a second to realize that she was trying to get me off but once I realized what was going on I decided to go with it and let myself get all worked up.  When she switched and lifted my left leg to into the humping frog position I decided I would see if I could cum.  I pulled the energy from the base of my spine up my spine into the crown of my head and then down the front of me to my clit.  I spun it faster and faster while she was jiggling the frog.  I kept spinning and getting closer and closer to coming and then she stopped, certain that I had reached a climax.  I had not.  I was really close but I hade not cum.  So there I am on the massage table and the therapist must figure I’m done – she sends me away.  Since the whole thing happened without any negotiation I didn’t have the balls to ask her to finish.  I mean how could I ask her to put me in a latex body bag and fist me?  I was in no position to ask her to finish what she started.  I can’t get off without something kinky happening.  GRRR
I left my massage frustrated and went back to my room.  I looked around in disbelief.  I came to the resort to relax.  I specifically left all my sex toys and paraphernalia at home.  I was not looking or sex on this trip, but now I had to get off.  I was all worked up and had to cum.  I frantically started looking for things to facilitate this.  As luck would have it I had a box of rubber gloves so I ripped them open and started sniffing them.  I rubbed the soft gloves all over my body, breathing deeply.  Rubber gloves and clothing smell like chocolate but condoms smell like sex.  Why do non-lubricated condoms smell different than other kinds of latex?  As I was rolling in the gloves I put a couple on my hands and a couple on my feet.  I ripped several of them so the band that goes around the wrist could go around my boobs,  I slid the gloves all the way on my boobs but my tits are to big and they wouldn’t stay put.  They kept sliding off.  I was so fucking horny.
After I rolled around in a whole box of rubber gloves I looked around for something to actually fuck.  I had ¾ of a cucumber for my eyes and a banana.  I ripped open a couple condoms and started to fuck myself with them. I needed nipple clamps, I had none.  I walked around the room in my rubber glove covered feet to discover clamps that are used for large bundles of paper.  I clamped them to my nipples and to my labia.  After 45 second I couldn’t take it any I took them off.  I repeated this on and off several times while I fucked myself with the fruit.  I watched the whole thing in the mirror.
I realized something:  I am kinky and I was going to be bruised from the frog fucker tomorrow. .