Dirty Porn, Sleazy Men, and My Status As “Real”

Last night something almost hot happened. I figured I had better bring you up to speed otherwise you might think I am being grumpy if I just tell you how many ways this town stinks.
So I go to my corner dive bar to meet up with a fellow student and get some good drinking / studying done.  When my fellow student splits I realize I have not left my apartment in days.  I have been hunkered down in a mountain of academic sex books, some juicy and some as dull as a calculus book from the 1970s.
Just the same, I figured that I would keep reading Foucault and drinking.  After a time a short black man appeared and asked me if he could use one of my eighteen colored pens strewed upon the bar table.  I told him he could and when he came back he asked if he could by me a drink.  I relented and expected it to arrive.  When it did not I went to the bathroom and made my way towards the exit.  He stopped me, asked me to sit down and then got the drink.  I really hate dudes who offer to buy you a drink and expect that you will talk to them in exchange for it.  Clearly I had things to do.  Why even bother with the offer if there are strings attached?  I can afford my own beverage.
After I sat there with him and his buddies for a second he asked me if I wanted to smoke some weed and again I expected him to produce it.  I should really get over these high expectations.  We went across the street to smoke (smoking in bars is banned ya know) and I offered to roll the joint.  When I saw what kind of weed he had I laughed out loud.  “How much did you pay for this?” I asked – “ten bucks” he said.  “Well you got ripped off!”
I really don’t think I have ever seen such nasty dirt weed.  The stuff was mostly seeds.  Hilarious – seedy weed.  “I’m not gonna smoke this” I told him “I’ll have a headache for three days.” He lit one up and poured me a drink.  Then he put on some porn.
Porn is so strange.  I have seen a lot of it but I so rarely encounter anything that interests me.  Yawn – same skanky bimbo sucking dick with the same pov shot.  Yawn.  “Do you have anything dirty?” I ask him.  I don’t know if he expects me to be turned on by his seedy weed and cheesy porn but I’m not.  I’m mildly amused but I have a ton of reading to get back to.  Foucault is way sexier than this scene.  Shit that 1970s calculus book is sexier than this!
He puts on some gaping ass, spitting video.  Right, let me clarify – do you have anything with bondage?  Do you have anything with cross dressers being gang raped? How bout some golden shower porn? Nothing?  What is that wetness on my thigh?  Oh shit, he spilled my drink on me.  What a great excuse to leave.  He tries to explain to me that in the bathroom he has a towel and then he gets on his knees and begs me to let him fist me.  Right.  I’m gonna take these pants off when I get home, I’m not gonna take them off here and have to put pants that are wet with nasty booze back on after I fuck a short man.
I am trying to experience things as a real person.  I don’t know that I like the greedy way most real people seem to live.  The idea that you can seduce me with seedy weed, cheesy porn and a pick up line of “Sorry I spilled liquor on you maybe you should take your pants off” is retarded.
I came home and did some homework, now I have something to tell you.  Aren’t you glad I left the apartment?

2 thoughts on “Dirty Porn, Sleazy Men, and My Status As “Real”

  1. well at least he didnt try to drug you…
    but that might have made him a little more interesting.
    But really girl after the drink and shitty pot what could you hope for?

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