Will My Neuroses Keep Me From Making Porn?

Widow Centauri is Crazy

Porn

That is the topic that plagues me on this late yet sun shine filled morning.

Porn is on my mind because as a resident of the city of LA I have been asked to make porn no fewer than five times a month since I got to this fair city.

But dominatrixes don’t suck dick – oh yes we do. Sometime we don’t want people to see that because we might not be thought of as dominant, but working as a dominatrix takes everything you thought you knew about sex and flips it upside down. Why is it this arcatype of sexuality frigid? When women go to all the trouble of getting dressed up in tight shinny latex, looking fantastic, becoming a sex object for men why is it expected that we don’t want to get off?

I say dominatrixes need to take back their innate sexuality.

I think about making porn every day. I masturbate several times a day and think about having sex with multiple black men, on camera.

Things have gotten strange as a dominatrix, everyone is outsourcing, you have to.

The latest edition of DDI magazine tells us that domes are all becoming fetish models and running websites and that they will not be able to keep up with the clients who want to see them if they go traipsing off to Paris for a holiday every other weekend.

I suppose that is true but only to a degree. There are simply more ways to make money when you diversify your portfolio and see clients in every city you travel to. It is no longer the devoted slave who bank rolls a mistress because his heart is submissive and his dick follows her around like a puppy dog because she has just the right brand of dominance available for his fantasies. The late 70’s and early 80s look like they must have been an amazing time to be a dominatrix. Things are different now.

It is very difficult to not get wrapped up in the catty drama that surrounds this gig. It’s difficult to separate business from pleasure and once you have broadened the scope of your business — opened a website, started modeling and taken up a series of other money making ventures — you could quite possibly be working 20 hour days.

And for what, I ask you? So some slave can get his rocks off. Alright, if you don’t want to come that’s fine by me. I love to come. I have a body built for sin and when I walk down the streets in a new pair of high heels I feel the sexual tension.

So I find myself sitting in my very dark, blacked out vampire friendly office wondering exactly what it is that has kept me from making porn thus far.

First and foremost I am entirely too neurotic to not use a condom. That is probably the only reason I have not jumped right into the porn mess. I like all kinds of rubber but the rubber sheath that covers the penis and protects me from the icyness of boys is my very favorite latex design.

The condom is the best birth control method available. It is quick and easy. Ready when you are. It is even sexy, unless you are afraid of it. I love condoms and when boys tell me that they don’t wear them, that they can’t feel anything with them, or any mired of other things that they say — I feel a little sorry for them.

Listen up boys: learn to love condoms and you will get a lot more sex.

Women resent having the burden of birth control put upon them, they resent having to take a pill that makes them crazy just so your little dicky can feel better, more manly. Oh poor you. Yes, I am mocking you. Yes, I am venting my personal condom politics, and getting a bit raging feminist in the process. And yes, I am getting back to the porn question.

So, aside from condom usage, what else keeps me out of porn? My future. I know I know I have been a sex worker for a while, but the frigid kind who keeps all my clothing on, not the kind who engages in ATM. Might there be a difference?

I suppose it would depend on who was looking.

I’m applying to PhD programs. Will my decision to work in porn effect their decision to accept me into the cool nerds club? Possibly. I know most people assume that it would. I have been a dominatrix for longer than I really want to admit so when an ivy league institution receives and application from a dominatrix I have to wonder if she is not already a porn star in the judgmental eyes of an admissions committee. Ya know? It is all sex work so what is the difference?

The difference is that once I get into one of these oh so competitive programs I will have to defend myself every step of the way, that includes the decisions I have made in the past. You need everyone to like you in graduate school, not just the freaks. That said I will probably have to sing a different (and more on key) tune at least sometimes. But what about way in the future ? I get a big shiny degree and I my ass is on the line for an academic position but the people in charge of hiring me are particularly offended by porn (What am I gonna work at a Christian college? – hmm) so I get tossed in the shredder.

Then I find myself taking a close look at my motivations for working as a dominatrix. I have never thought ”this might be a bad move for my future.” Nope, it never even entered into the picture. So what is the difference with porn?

Is it the fact that instead of pissing on boys I will be forever captured on mini dv with a dick in my ass. Maybe that’s it. I work so fucking hard on all the other things in my life that maybe I’m a little bit chicken to be remembered as a sex symbol who actually had sex. But min dv isn’t forever – it’s not even film! In another ten years all that footage is going to be obsolete. The government is going to crack down on porn, block it from the internet, and seize the hard files. Or maybe porn producers just won’t update all that footage.

So what is wrong with being a sex symbol who gets all those pesky student loans paid off in a timely fashion?

I have all these boys sending me emails saying “I want to bring you pleasure” and I think “well write a check to fannie may.” But they are thinking “I want to eat your pussy” As though my pussy wants to be eaten. I’m not all that into having my pussy eaten – I prefer penetration.

So, why all the trouble in my neurotic little head?

I do like sex. A lot. And actually getting laid in this town is more trouble than most people would imagine. So maybe someone reading this will write to me and say “I have the funding to help you make and distribute what ever kind of porn you want to make.” Then I could dress black boys up as rubber chickens and make them fuck me. And we could use condoms. I would like that. You?

Widow Centauri’s Ass

4 thoughts on “Will My Neuroses Keep Me From Making Porn?

  1. hahah this was a great post but the end has me laughing hysterically… guys dressed as rubber chickens! You’re too much!

    i’ve always laughed at the guys trying to get out of wearing a condom with all sorts of claims… i mean, sex still feels pretty damned amazing to me wearing a condom. Plus those crazy after worries about std’s and pregnancy don’t pop up and screw your life up royally.

    i hope You find Yourself a backer for Your kind of porn. i’ve always laughed at the misconceptions of what a Dominatrix must and must not do, can and cannot be, they can’t laugh, they can’t enjoy sex, they can’t get naked, they must dress in latex or leather or rubber all the time… The whole concept of being a Dominatrix is that She can be, do, say or wear whatever the fuck She wants to, whatever pleases Her.

    It’s really great seeing someone say this stuff so openly for once. thanks! 🙂

  2. You are on track. If you produce “porn” that reflects your taste in sex, I think that the council that will make judgment as to wether you progress through each level to your PhD will have a wonderful time as they have council and debate and defend your past and present.
    You will leave quite an impression on them and they will in the end agree to move you on to the next level of your academia. why? because, deep down, they want to see what you will do next.

  3. How did I miss commenting on this? No doubt your best post yet. It always astounds me that Dominatrices -who are thought by the public to be the epitome of the sexually liberated females – are, due to peer group pressure, one of the most sexually repressed. Well done!

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